AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is part 8 in the series of goofy pictures from the Internet which I’ve taken and written a story about. The following tale contains adult language, humor and sexual situations. If you are below the age of eighteen LEAVE NOW! Also don’t forget to enjoy the picture at the end of the story.
Make Me Laugh
I just finished my set at the comedy club and left them laughing. This was my first time in Niles Ohio and my manager didn’t disappoint when he said the crowds here were very friendly. Walking backstage I toweled off my face and neck and decided a drink was in order to celebrate. The owner came in and patted me on the shoulder.
“Nice job kid,” Roger Hammersmith told me. “Great set, ya killed ‘em.”
“Thanks Roger,” I smiled.
He left with a chuckle and I looked into the mirror. The wonderful feeling of making so many people laugh, smile and enjoy themselves was the reason I got into this business. Plus it beats working for a living.
Now for that drink.
Walking through the employee’s entrance into the back room I winked at one of the waitresses, a cute little thing named Cindy who had been eyeing me on stage. I made my way to the bar and sat down.
“What will ya have?” the bartender asked.
“A seven and seven,” I answered.
“Coming right up.”
Looking around I noted that Charlie Horn was on the stage cracking jokes and keeping the atmosphere I had left in high gear. When I turned around, that’s when I saw her. She was a hot blonde with a killer body. She sat on her barstool wearing a tight pair of blue jeans and a low cut top displaying enough cleavage to get my motor running. Bored and a bit sad she was swirling an umbrella in some reddish-orange tropical drink.
“Here ya go,” the man behind the bar said, “it’s on the house.”
“Thanks,” I replied. “By the way, who’s the hottie at the end of the bar?”
“Her? That’s Stephanie she’s here every Friday night.”
“Yeah but don’t bother.”
“Why is she gay?”
“No she’s… impossible.”
I had to admit the tone of his voice and the word impossible made me extremely curious. How could a woman be impossible?
“Why would you call her that?”
“Look Dave,” he sighed. “She comes here every week and never laughs once. I’ve watched a dozen comedians try to get her to at least giggle but it never works. Oh she’s not against some no-strings-attached sex but you’ll regret it.”
“Yeah man, take my advice and ask Cindy out, she’s been giving you the green light since you took the stage.”
“Thanks for the advice,” I remarked.
Now I like a challenge and I knew Cindy wasn’t going to give me that. She’d coo and giggle at everything I say but the chick at the end of the bar was more intriguing. Picking up my drink I sauntered over to introduce myself.
“Hello,” I began. “My name’s Dave Howard and I couldn’t help but notice you’re sitting here all alone. Would you like some company?”
“Sure why not,” she said in a blasé tone.
“What’s your name?”
“Well Stephanie, did you like my set?”
“It was okay. Look I saw the bartender speaking to you when you spotted me and he’s probably already warned you about me. So unless you can make me laugh I’m really not interested in conversation.”
“So you didn’t find my routine funny?”
“It wasn’t bad, but I didn’t laugh.”
I took a sip of my drink and smiled.
“I bet I can make you laugh.”
“I doubt it.”
She sat there pouting but also wearing an expression of utter disbelief on her beautiful face. It was like waving a red cape at a bull, it only made me want to charge forward with my daring plan.
“I’ll make you a bet,” I countered. “If we have a few more drinks and go back to my hotel room I’ll show you something that’ll crack you up.”
“That’s a lousy pick up line you’ve got there Dave,” she snorted.
“Sorry it’s the best I can do. So what do ya say?”
For a moment I thought she was going to shoot me down. But something in her eyes, a spark of amusement tainted with curiosity made her smile faintly. She laid a warm palm on my arm and the shiver it sent through my body made the ice in my drink rattle.
“Okay you’re kinda hot and I’m bored so let’s just go back to your place and do it. But I’m going to warn you this is a one-time thing. Don’t worry about coming back here and getting a second helping because it isn’t going to happen.”
Inwardly I smiled because I knew I had her. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back. Arm in arm we left the club with Earl the bartender shaking his head and looking at the ceiling. I could almost hear him say, “There goes another fool.”
Stephanie led me to her car, a brand new cherry red Camaro. I slid in beside her and she started it up. She didn’t speak even after I attempted to engage her in conversation. Sensing she didn’t want to talk, I kept quiet and just told her where I was staying. The streets were busy and thick with traffic. People out enjoying the start of the weekend, spending their hard earned money on having fun. Stephanie, on the other hand just seemed lonely and depressed. The lights of the cars passing on the other side washed across her face glaringly exposing her expression for the agony within. I took a mental oath this woman would be howling with laughter or I’d quit the business and go back to college just like my parents’ had constantly begged me to do. We pulled into the Best Western and got out of the car.
“This way,” I said.
She didn’t speak, just aimed the key ring at the car and pressed a button. The Camaro’s lights and horn went off instant and briefly letting her know it was locked.
“This better be worth it,” she sighed.
“Oh I can promise you’ll never forget this night,” I remarked with a smile.
We started into the hotel.
“I’ve been going to the Funny Farm for two years now,” she began. “All sorts of comics, famous or otherwise have tried to make me chuckle, but all have failed. Oh I’ve gone back to their rooms, just a few mind you, but still I end up leaving without laughing or sex.”
“Do you find anything funny?” I queried.
“I have a strange sense of humor, granted. But I’m afraid there’s something very wrong with me. I can’t find anything funny. It’s sort of taken over my life.”
“Such a gorgeous woman shouldn’t go through life this way.”
“I am what I am. At least you’re very sexy and I could really use some male company tonight, it’ll take my mind off my problems. I’m glad you came down to talk to me even after the bartender warned you off. But I’m afraid it’ll just be a lot of talking.”
We reached my room and I unlocked the door. Flicking on the lights we entered the rented flat. I turned on the radio I bring with me everywhere. Finding a soft rock station I let the music swirl around the room. Walking into the small refrigerator I called out to her.
“I have some wine, would you like some?” I asked.
“Sure,” she replied.
I poured a pair of glasses of red wine and walked into the room to see her sitting on the bed. The bright yellow blanket contrasted against her faded blue jeans and crimson top creating a picture of erotic delightfulness.
“Here you go,” I said, handing her the glass.
I sat beside her while Stephanie took a sip of wine. Reaching up in a bold fashion I stroked her shoulder, she leaned into my touch. Setting the glass on the nightstand she took a deep breath, almost as if she was preparing herself for a disappointment. I didn’t give her time to ponder her dark thoughts, I kissed her.
Her lips were soft, warm and inviting. Tasting of the wine her tongue sliding against mine she returned the kiss. I took her into my arms. She ran her hands over my back and shoulders caressing, touching and warming my skin. The kiss deepened and became more passionate. Without warning she ended it and cleared her throat in a dainty manner.
“Make me feel something,” she muttered. “It’s been so long since I’ve been happy.”
I didn’t know what to say. The only thing I could think of was to resume the lip-lock with as much passion I could muster. It must’ve worked because she moaned into my mouth.
I felt her unbutton my shirt and run a hand across my chest, brushing my nipples and ruffling the soft hairs on my pectorals. My fingers quickly gathered up the shirt tucked into her jeans and tugged with urgency. Breaking off the kiss she permitted me to pull it over her head. I tossed it on the floor. Her bra was hot scarlet, cupping the small but firm breasts within it and creating a delightful crease between each beautiful sphere. Running my tongue across the tops of those globes she sighed contently. I stood up and helped her to her feet her hands quickly undid my belt, button and zipper to my pants. Tugging off my trousers she paused momentarily to smile at my white briefs. While she was staring I eased the tight jeans off her hips exposing a hot red thong, the same alluring shade as her bra. I gasped at her beauty. Stephanie’s body was a model of perfection, delight and quite arousing.
“You’re beautiful,” I whispered.
“Thank you,” she answered.
She reached over and tugged down my briefs, her eyes going wide with surprise. At that moment a burst of giggling started. Collapsing to her knees she pointed at my groin and covered her mouth with her other hand. The soft laughter soon grew louder and soon she wasn’t able to contain herself.
“O-oh my god!” she shrieked. “W-what the hell is that?!”
Stephanie’s shoulders bobbed up and down making her breasts wiggle in a sensual manner. Her eyes were filled with happy tears as she continued to laugh uncontrollably. Reduced to a giggling, quivering delight of womanly perfection she was soon rolling on the floor howling. Every time she recovered she’d catch sight of my crotch and it would start all over again. I stood there mesmerized at her antics while she squirmed on the floor like some deranged monkey at the zoo.
“You find that funny?” I asked.
She couldn’t answer; her breath was stolen from her.
“You think my cock is hysterical, don’t you!” I demanded.
“O-oh… god… I-I can’t believe… w-what the fuck h-happened to your dick!” she roared in laughter.
“I was born this way.”
She covered her mouth with both hands fighting the hilarity with all her being. She moved up to a kneeling position and took a long look at my semi-erect shaft.
The small twin moles on either side the oversized tip and the crooked opening of end of my penis made it appear like a smirking face. My family was too poor to have the corrective surgery to repair the birth defect so I just learned to live with it. Every sexual encounter after my first was done in the dark so the woman I was with didn’t see my silly looking member.
“I-I can’t believe it! That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever saw in my life!” she wailed merrily.
“I told you I could make you laugh,” I smiled.
“F-fuck me! Fuck me with your goofy cock, Dave!”
“It will be my pleasure.”
And we did exactly that for five hours.
Stephanie and I were married a year later and we’ve been happier than anyone has a right to be. The emotional change she went through has made her less morose and lighthearted. She travels with me on my comedy tour and we’re never apart. All because of my abnormal and silly looking cock. My mother told me once I’d find the perfect woman, but I doubt she had any inkling of why I would. When guys ask how the hell I got so lucky to marry a gorgeous creature like Stephanie I have only one reply.
“I know how to make her laugh,” I grin mysteriously.