Cheaters, Eaters

AUTHOR NOTE: The following short story takes place in the world of Uprising where the zombie plague has been contained in America.  It contains adult language, graphic violence and mild sexual situations if you are under the age of eighteen leave now!

Cheaters, Eaters

            Kevin Johns smiled while pulling on his pants.  Looking over at the half naked female figure sleeping in the motel room bed he followed every curve, swell and detail of her body not hidden by the covers.  Her deep brown hair was once brushed, combed and styled to perfection.  Now it was tangled and wet with sweat from their illicit carnal romp.  Her eyes were closed and she lay there peacefully asleep.  Only the rise and fall of her breasts gave any indication she was alive. 

            Renee is so hot, he mused.  Even asleep with part of her body covered with the sheets she makes me horny.  I only wish I could rid myself of the bitch I married.

            The image of Irene’s face came unbidden into his mind destroying the erotic scene spread out before him. 

            Perhaps marrying into a fortune wasn’t one of my better ideas.  But that’s all going to change now I have my plan worked out.

            Five years ago he met Irene Keller on a cruise in the Bahamas.  Noting with wry humor you couldn’t actually go to the islands due to the zombie plague that had struck the world but merely sail around it.  He was trolling for a new mark at the time and after running across her sunbathing he thought he’d hit the jackpot.  Irene was quite lonely, much older and very wealthy.  These were three of his favorite things in life.  Being only twenty-four at the time, in great physical shape and handsome it was child’s play to make her fall for his charms.  Dinner, dancing and discussions quickly were followed by innuendo, invitation and intercourse.  At the end of the two week cruise Irene couldn’t live without Kevin. 

            Now she’s an albatross around my neck, he scowled to himself.  I’m nothing more than a pampered pet and a permanent part of her home entertainment system.  It’s not like she’s ugly, she’s just—old and I’ve outgrown her.

            Kevin began twisting the Rolex watch on his wrist, a nervous habit he’d picked up somewhere along the last five years.  Of course this new timepiece was his birthday present.  Last week he turned twenty-nine and six days later his wife turned fifty-one. 

            And twenty-nine into fifty-one equals disgusting.  But now at least I found Renee and I have the accomplice I need.

            Renee wasn’t in his wife’s circle of friends.  The twenty-three year old had temporarily worked as a lawn care specialist.  Her true specialty was milking lonely old men out of their cash by promising and delivering hot bedroom action but memorizing the layout of the suckers’ homes.  Currently she was unemployed, her last con had gone badly and the cops had been tipped off to her activities.

            At least Craig has no idea I’ve been boning the girl he was drooling over while she sprayed his lawn with fertilizer six months ago.  Of course he’s as ancient as the old bat I’m stuck with.  Funny, I always got the impression Mr. Big Shot Banker wants to leave a very personal deposit in my wife’s account.

            Craig watched the roll of Renee’s hips and the bounce of her bosom and offered Kevin a hundred bucks if he could talk the girl into a threesome.  After taking Craig Newsome up on the offer he walked over to her and immediately recognized another con artist.  It only took a few moments to come to an arrangement.  Craig got his taste of Renee which Kevin passed on pretending to still be in love with his wife.  Renee got the lowdown on Craig’s security systems and Kevin got a co-conspirator. 

            And by next week we’ll be in Acapulco sipping fruity drinks under the sun—and no one suspect a thing, he smirked. 

            Quietly he got dressed and started to leave.

            “Going so soon?” Renee drawled in a sexy tone.

            “Have to get back, can’t be gone long or Queen Irene will think something’s up,” he replied.

            “We’re still pulling the job tonight, right?”


            “And the cops?  Won’t they suspect you?”

            “Look it’s a perfect set up.  The live-in gardener who has been slipping his greasy little prick into my wife is a major steroid freak.  I’ve got his connection under my thumb.  One bad batch of junk, a heart attack later my darling wife will discover a hungry zombie stumbling into her bedroom.”

            “So all I have to do is enter the house, jab the Mexican weightlifter with the syringe and get back out before I’m discovered.  Are you sure about the security cameras?” she queried.

            “Yes.  She disables them so I won’t find out about her little tryst,” he laughed.  “I was lucky to discover it at all.”
            “One condom wrapper in the wrong place was all it took.”

            “It’s actually funny since Queen Irene lost all her baby making equipment back when she was thirty.  Why she even bothers letting him use a rubber is beyond me.”

            “Maybe she thinks he’s being romantic and caring.”

            The two of them chuckled at her statement and the gullibility of marks in general.  Renee sat up, the sheets dropped into her lap and Kevin found it very difficult to reach for the door knob.

            “You sure you want to go?” she cooed.

            “We’ll have plenty of time for that after the funeral,” he reminded her.  “Just remember we’ll travel separately to Acapulco and meet up at the hotel.  I’ve got it all arranged and you can pick up the tickets at the airport under the name you gave me.”

            “When will you be down there?”

            “I have to see the old bitch buried first, make the usual rounds with the lawyers and pretend to be grief-stricken.  I’ll see you in a week.”

            “No money trail from the tickets or hotel?”

            “Nope paid cash and used an old identity I’ve been saving.  The money came out of my allowance and she doesn’t keep track of what I spend it on.”

            Renee stood up in the bed and cocked a hip at him.  She tugged on her nipples erotically and licked her lips before blowing him a kiss.

            “See you in Mexico,” she growled seductively.

            “Don’t bother with clothes,” Kevin snickered, “you won’t need them for a few days after I arrive.”

            “Naughty boy.”

            “That’s me.”


            Kevin pulled the black Mercedes up to the gates of Irene’s mansion in New Beverly Hills, typed in the code and waited for the gate to swing open.  Pulling up to the garage he spotted Fernandez trimming the hedges by the pond in the front yard.

            “Stupid wetback has no idea he’s only got a few hours to live,” he muttered merrily.

            He parked the car and went into the house.  Irene was waiting in the living room, watching television on her new big screen plasma TV.  His golf shoes stopped making clacking sounds as he went from the marble tile of the hallway and onto the expensive rug of the other room.  She turned his direction making the retro-styled beehive hair rotate at him.

            I see she’s dyed it red again—the roots will be showing by the time we bury her.  Jesus she’s so cheap she still does it herself.  Badly colored and half-botched but she’s proud to save money that way.  For someone so rich she sure is cheap.

            “How was your golf outing?” Irene said.

            “I’m getting better,” he lied.  “I think one day I’ll actually manage to break par on the front nine.”

            “I wish I could go but my back is killing me.  I rather miss going golfing.”

            You’re back wouldn’t be in the shape it’s in if you weren’t banging the hired help.  But then again I really don’t care to see you naked anymore Queen Irene!

            “Maybe you ought to see a doctor.  I miss you on the course something terrible,” he smiled.

            “You’re so sweet,” she cooed.

            “Don’t forget handsome.”

            “Do you really have to go play poker with Craig tonight?  We could always get some alone time—in fact I thought we’d take a cruise next week.  You know relive the first time we made love?”

            “Irene, my darling, that’s a great idea!”

            “You really think so?”

            “Absolutely, my dear.  I’ll tell you what I’ll cut out of game early, come back here and we’ll sit down and make plans.”

            “Craig won’t get angry if you leave early will he?”

            “I’ll let him win a few hundred dollars off of me and he won’t mind at all.”

            “That’s cheap at half the price then.”

            He tried not to cringe when she ogled his body with those washed out blue eyes, pursed her too red lips and blew him a kiss.  Her plastic enhanced boobs wobbled like the heads of two bald drunks in her revealing blouse.  Kevin fought the urge not to vomit.

            “Promise me one thing?” she pouted.

            “Anything, my sweet,” he responded.

            “After we get it all set up I want to tear your clothes off and make violent love to you.”

            “Why Irene you know that’s an easy promise for me to keep.  Now I literally hunger for the night to come.  Maybe I shouldn’t bother going to the poker game.”

            “No you told Craig you were going over there.  Besides it’ll give me time to light the candles, chill the wine and get all dressed up.  I have some new high heeled mules, a garter belt, and a very naughty corset I’ve been dying to show you.”

            He thought about seeing her in anything remotely revealing and it made his stomach lurch enough he had to discreetly choke down an acidic burp.  He smiled despite the pain.

            “You keep talking like that and I won’t go at all.  Give us a kiss.”

            He walked over and allowed her to plant a wet one right on his lips, their tongues danced briefly and then it was thankfully over.

            “I’m going to take a shower,” he said.

            “Go get clean—but don’t get used to it because I’m going to get you all dirty later on,” Irene snickered.

            “Naughty girl.”

            “You know it—and if not you’ll surely know it by tonight!”

            He left her laughing at her own joke as he went upstairs to take a shower. 


            “Read ‘em and weep, Kevin!” Craig exclaimed, slapping down a full house.

            Brad, Kevin and Ralph all collectively groaned at the smirking host of the poker party.  Ralph, a celebrity lawyer muttered darkly under his breath as Craig swept the pot towards him.

            “Lady Luck is sure smiling on you tonight,” Kevin told the older man.

            “Damn that’s three straight hands you’ve won,” Brad, another banker said.

            “What can I say boys,” Craig chuckled.  “It’s my night.”

            Mine too, Kevin thought with an inward grin.  He checked his watch and noted that it was eight-fifteen.  Renee should’ve switched out Fernandez’s usual steroid concoction with the deadly mixture.  He needed to bide just another two hours if all was going according to plan.

            “Your deal Kevin,” Craig stated. 

            “Give me the cards and I hope I can draw something better than the last few hands,” he moaned falsely. “I lose another hundred bucks I’m leaving.”

            “So soon?”

            “Irene wants to plan a cruise with me tonight and I don’t want to disappoint her.”

            “That’s a fine woman you got there Kevin,” Brad said.

            “I’d give you all my winnings for one night with her,” the host leered at him.

            “Sorry boys, she’s not for sale,” he smirked.

            “Just deal the cards,” Ralph grumbled.


            Kevin pulled into the garage and kicked the ignition.  He checked his watch, it was eleven-thirty.  Reaching over he unlocked the glove compartment and pulled out the Walther PPK.  He pulled back the slide and sent a twenty-five caliber bullet into the chamber.

            Well now I’m ready for Fernandez and Irene.

            He got out of the Mercedes and quietly walked into the house.  It was silent as the grave, a place he couldn’t wait to deposit Queen Irene so he could jet down to Mexico and meet up with Renee.  The living room was dark as he passed it.  Making his way up the spiral stairs he listened intently for the stumbling sounds or sloppy eating zombies were known for.  To his every growing concern he heard nothing of the sort. 

            “Irene?” he called out.  “Are you still awake, my pet?”

            “Unngh,” a deep voice groaned.

            Well now it appears either Fernandez is still hungry or the old bat is.

            He eased around the corner and saw a pair of female legs sticking out of the doorway to their bedroom.  A pair of red pantyhose encased the unmoving limbs and one scarlet feathered mule was lying in the middle of the hall.  There was another dull moan which echoed out of the bedroom.

            Now if I’m very lucky he’s broken her skull open so I won’t have to shoot her.  Then again I’ve been looking forward to it.

            Kevin put both hands on the pistol and slid against the opposite wall.  Cautiously he approached the meal in progress however Fernandez’s white face, covered in thick red blood peeked out over the body.

            “Say goodnight wetback,” he chuckled.

            Without hesitation he put two bullets right between the ghoul’s eyes.  The zombie collapsed over its human Happy Meal oozing gore onto the red corset.

            Well now I should call the cops and report this, but I want to make sure Queen Irene is now Queen of the Dead.  If he’s only wounded her I don’t want to make the call right away.

            Squatting down slowly he reached for Fernandez’s collar.  But before he could turn the dead ghoul over something struck him in the back of the head.


            The first thing Kevin felt as he climbed out of the hazy, pain filled fog into wakefulness was he couldn’t move.  He blinked his eyes furiously until things came into focus.  Something was in front of him on the mattress and covered the pricey bedspread.  It rocked back and forth and moaned in a pitiful tone. 

            What the fuck happened to me? He groaned silently.  And what the hell is that?

            “I see you’re awake,” a familiar voice chirped.

            He looked up to see Irene standing in the doorway with his pistol in her hand.  The smug expression on her face sent shivers up and down his spine.

            “What happened?” he inquired.

            “You don’t know?” she asked.

            He looked down at himself and realized he was kneeling, his back against the headboard of their bed, with his arms and thighs tied to the posts.  He was naked as well.

            “I thought you were dead?” he groaned.  “Wasn’t that you on the floor?”

            “Ah poor Kevin, did you think Fernandez killed me and saved you the trouble?  I’m sorry to spoil your plan but I’m afraid he didn’t quite cooperate with you.”

            “Cooperate with me?  Darling what are you talking about?”

            “I’ve got good news and bad news, which do you want first?”

            “Bad news I guess.”

            “Well the bad news is your slut of a girlfriend died instead of me.  You see I saw her sneaking into Fernandez’s apartment earlier so I followed her to the seedy motel room you two have been using to meet.  It was easy to bribe the manager to get a spare key.  I then snuck in while she was taking a shower, knocked her over the head and brought her back here,” his wife explained.  “It was hard getting her dressed up in my clothes but Fernandez didn’t mind they didn’t fit too well.  In fact I think it just made him hungrier.”

            “Look we don’t have to do this—it wasn’t my idea.  Renee was going to tell you I was a con artist trying to steal your money.  I couldn’t let that happen so I let her blackmail me for a few months.  But last week I told her it was over, she was done getting anymore from me.  She told me I’d be sorry but I didn’t think she’d go to such lengths.  I figured she’d call you and rat on me,” he lied as fast as he could.

            “So you’re telling me she set you up?”


            “You’re a liar.”

            “Me?  You’ve been sleeping with that wetback for six months now and you have the gall to call me a liar?”

            “Yes I’ve been doing Fernandez that much is true.  But if you’d been a better husband I wouldn’t have gone to him as comfort.  Oh don’t bother denying anything.  Did you really think I didn’t interrogate your little whore here first before I killed her?  You’re screwed, blued and tattooed as they used to say.”

            “Let’s make a deal.  I’ll leave, you can have everything—I don’t want to die!”

            The large object under the covers moved and groaned filling Kevin with terror.  He knew what it was, but tried not to think about it.

            “No deals today Kevin,” Irene stated unemotionally.  “I trusted you with my heart and you betrayed me.”

            “Y-you said there was good news!” he demanded.

            “Oh there is.”

            Walking forward, the automatic still in her hand she tossed back the covers.  Kevin screamed in horror at what her actions revealed.

            It was Renee.

            Long tattered strips of flesh hung from her throat exposing her ravished windpipe ad parts of her spine.  Her eyes were cast over in white film.  The garb she wore hung off her frame exposing a crushed river of dried blood filling her cleavage.  The smell of death, rancid and nauseating wafted into his nostrils.  Kevin stared into her face hoping she would recognize him and the plans they had made.  However gone was any trace of her humanity, sexuality or sanity.  Oh there was a hunger there in her face, but not for money, Acapulco or a life of leisure.  All that remained was the need to feed.  His eyes searched for what was holding her back and saw the loop of rope around her waist was tied to the footboard of the bed.  To his shock and terror he noted it was badly frayed.

            “The good news,” Queen Irene laughed, “is your girlfriend is still hungry to see you.” 

            With an almost insane peal of laughter she strolled towards the bedroom door.

            “I’ve cut her bonds just enough so that in a few minutes she’ll break free.  I hope you enjoy your last moments with her, I certainly will.  Now if you don’t mind I’m going to call the police in about twenty minutes to report how my unfaithful husband’s orgy got out of hand and resulted in three deaths.  Of course I’m going to be distraught for several weeks, but I think perhaps I’m going to finally take Craig up on his unspoken offer.”

            She walked out and shut the door.  Renee growled low and deep and lunged for him but the rope still held her back.

            “Irene you can’t do this!” he shouted.

            “Aargggh!” the zombie snarled, hurtling against its bonds once more.

            “You can’t fucking do this to me!”

            Mind shattering fear overcame him and Kevin began to sob like a frightened child.  The rope was coming apart and the ghoul was staring at his undefended crotch gnashing and grinding its teeth.  The sound of its dental destruction made him flinch.  His movements made it go wild, thrashing and tugging at the offensive harness around its waist.

            Then the rope snapped.

            Renee’s reanimated corpse stopped suddenly and looked up at him.   A demon-like smile creased its features and licked its gore-flecked lips.  Its cataract covered eyes fixated on his exposed manhood which was shrinking away in total terror.

            “No, please God no!” Kevin shrieked as it lunged forward.

            AUTHOR’S NOTE 2; if you liked this tale check out “Uprising” or “Tales from the Uprising” at!

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