AUTHOR’S NOTE; The following story doesn’t appear in the free read on the Free Giveaway! page of my site. However I just couldn’t pass up the chance to write a tale about this picture I was sent. Read the story and then check out the photo at the bottom and see if you don’t laugh out loud.
Leslie Holstein walked along the deserted Hawaiian beach alone as usual. The early morning sun had barely risen above the blue waters and the seagulls circled high above her. The cries of the birds only gave more emphasis to her current state of mind. The petite woman tried desperately not to think about her troubles. But she failed.
I don’t understand it, she bemoaned to herself. I’m intelligent and pretty yet my social life is only rivaled by my grandmothers when it comes to inactivity. What am I doing wrong?
She looked down at herself and grimaced. She owned the latest fashions, newest cell phone and a brand new car. On the dance floor she was a whirlwind of grace and beauty but still the guys seemed to avoid her like the plague. Granted she had to work two part time jobs to afford it all, go to college but still she was making it on her own steam.
I’m doing everything right—what’s the problem? Everything bad seems to happen to me, I get a free vacation to Hawaii but then Mom gets diagnosed with cancer. I get accepted into Medical School and I get a letter that my student loan’s interest rate has been raised. All I ever do is just barely break even in the game of life.
Her mood was a depressed as the footprints she was making in the clean sand. Looking over her shoulder she saw her trail and could only imagine it as the rest of her life. A solitary set of prints walking along a beach, no one to share her adventures, passions or thoughts with. She sighed deeply.
I’m not all boobs and no brains like my sorority sisters and for this I’m passed by because I’m not built like a Barbie doll? She snarled.
Her bikini was properly fitted to her figure, she refused to buy it a size or two too small like her friends. Her sunglasses fit her face as well. She didn’t go in for flashy, gaudy frames encrusted with fake gems and so big it looked like she was some sort of insect.
“I’m fashionable, but sensible,” she grumbled. “Is that a crime?”
Disgusted she went down further upon the beach stepping over the occasional seashell or jellyfish which had washed up on the shore. As she moved aside to avoid a migrating crab she tripped over something and was sent sprawling onto the sand. Leslie jumped up and began cursing and brushing off the gritty grains.
“I hope nobody was looking,” she said. “I must’ve looked like a complete klutz.”
Turning around she looked to see what had caused her to stumble. Leslie spotted a blue-green bottle sticking up out of the sand, it looked comically similar to the stereotypical design of a genie’s lamp. She started to laugh.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she chuckled. “I bet this is some sort of joke or some crazy advertising gimmick.”
But her curiosity was aroused and she bent down and dug out the bottle. Lifting it up by the handle she turned it over and read the inscription on the bottom.
“One officially licensed genie-in-a-bottle—manufactured by Abdullah & Sons, Baghdad Persia—all copyrights protected,” the faintly sandscript-esque words read.
“Oh now I know this is a hoax!” she snickered.
She turned it over and felt something inside shift as she did so.
“Okay I’ll play along—maybe it’ll be good for a laugh. Lord knows I could use anything to get out of this funk I’m in.”
The top was sealed shut and she couldn’t seem to open it. Confused and a bit frustrated she rubbed the side hard enough to make her palm warm. The container began to shake violently and out of sheer terror she threw it in a jerky motion away from her. It landed in the sand and began to bounce wildly around in a circle before discharging a boiling cloud of blue smoke which had swirling highlights of pink, white and a lighter shade of blue. Leslie staggered away but her feet crossed up and she landed butt first onto the sand only ten yards away from the terrifying mist.
“Oh shit!” she wailed.
The smoke exploded making her ears ring and her eyes water. Shielding her face with her trembling hands Leslie prayed the bottle wasn’t some wacky terrorist device.
“What have I done?” the blonde blubbered.
“Why you’ve freed this unworthy one, Oh Mistress!” a very sexy male voice announced.
The mist was swept away revealing a lean, muscular man with brown skin, a turban on his head and wearing light blue pantaloons. His feet were covered by curved pointed toed sandals straight out of some silly cartoon about the Arabian Nights.
“Who are you?” she demanded.
“I am—the genie of the lamp, courtesy of Abdullah & Sons of Baghdad, Persia!” it happily replied. “And you, O delightful one are my mistress and the recipient of three magical wishes!”
“Do you doubt me?”
“Of course there are no such things as genies or magical wishes. What kind of idiot do you take me for?”
“How many kinds are there?”
“Are you being insulting?”
“No, it’s just that I’ve been imprisoned in that tiny bottle for a very long time and obviously things have changed. I was just curious if idiot still meant the same thing. Language does change, you know,” the suave mystical being remarked. “I remember when everyone thought being called a dog was the deadliest of insults.”
“Actually that’s pretty tame nowadays,” Leslie quipped with a grin.
“See? So what will it be my mistress? Jewels? Gems? A palace on the shores of Greece? What is your heart’s desire?”
“Anything I want?”
“Nothing you desire is off-limits. However it must be said that sometimes, in rare occasions my magic can take on a life of its own.”
She began to think and the first thing was easy to come by. Her mother’s cancer was a terminal case and this was foremost in her mind. Her lack of a boyfriend paled in comparison to what her family was going through. Even if this guy healed her only for a few years it would be better than losing her mother in the twelve short weeks the doctors gave her to survive.
“I wish my mother no longer had cancer,” she stated brightly.
“Your wish is my command! Alamancer, circumstancer—to Leslie’s mom I say—begone cancer!”
Immediately her cell phone began ringing.
“Hello?” she said into the device.
“Leslie it’s your father,” a man’s voice announced. “We just got miraculous news! The doctor was doing a CAT scan on your mom and the huge tumor in her lung totally melted away. It’s a blessing from God!”
“Oh Dad that’s great!”
“I’ll call you as soon as possible with more news! Goodbye!”
She turned to the smiling tanned being and broke into happy tears.
“Oh I’m so sorry I doubted you, thank you so much!” she squealed.
“It is nothing as I said before your desires are mine to grant,” he remarked. “What is your next wish?”
Her student loans came to mind, her parent’s were fighting off a foreclosure due to her mom’s medical bills and her father’s mother was living with them as well. More cash in their bank account would help out a lot.
“Let’s see… I want it to be a good one. Oh, I know—I wish I was wealthy and could take care of myself and my parents without worrying about money! I’m not asking for trillions of dollars, just enough to get my family out of debt and back on solid financial ground.”
“Again it is my pleasure to make it so,” the genie grinned. “Alacatrious, assets delicious—let Leslie and family—eternally enjoy riches!”
“Her cell phone rang again.
“Hello?” she said.
“Leslie is that you?” her elderly grandmother stated in her hoarse voice.
“Yes Grandma, what’s up?”
“I accidentally opened your mail today, I’m sorry.”
The old woman lived with Leslie and her parents and occasionally she mistook her name Lillian Holstein for Leslie Holstein. It wasn’t on purpose, her eyes were just failing.
“That’s okay Grandma.”
“Well I just had to call you sweetie. You see the letter is from that publishing giveaway firm and it says here you’ve won one-hundred and fifty million dollars. Oh dear me, I so hope this isn’t a hoax.”
Leslie smile grew even wider. The sheer delight of it all was thundering through her mind like a stampede of Arabian stallions.
“I’ll check it out when I get home Grandma,” she said into the phone. “By the way did you get a call from your son?”
“Yes I did! It’s a miracle isn’t it?”
“It sure is. I’ll call you later tonight, okay?”
“You do that sweetie, bye-bye.”
She turned towards the magical creature in front of her and thanked him profusely.
“I only asked for enough to help out my family, you didn’t have to go to such lengths but thank you all the same,” she cheered.
“Again as I’ve said before my enchantments take on a life of their own,” he reminded her. “Well now Leslie Holstein, what is your third and final wish.”
Well I’ve taken care of Mom and the family—I suppose I deserve at least one wish for myself, don’t I? she mused.
“Do you know what you want?” the genie queried.
“Yes,” she smiled. “I wish you would turn me into the most incredible woman every man has ever seen. I want my body to be seared forever in the minds of any guy who sees me!”
“Your wish is my command. Abacahexible, alacatextible—totally pettable—turn Leslie Holstein utter unforgettable!”
Pain erupted all over her body and Leslie screamed in agony. Her bikini began to expand along with her breasts until she couldn’t see her feet. Her smile cast a shimmer on the tall beach grass fifty yards away. Falling to the gritty sand she let out a hurtful moan.
“What have you done?” she shrieked.
“Well trust me,” the genie said in a chagrined tone. “No man will ever forget seeing you for the rest of your life.”
Sitting in her beach chair she watched as her friends Jill Munroe and Heather Bailey sashayed down the embankment and through the tall waving grass. Leslie tried not to grin but the men around her stared brazenly at her and their women’s eyes fell out of their heads. As her two blonde friends walked up they stopped dead in their tracks, their mouths falling open in shock.
Leslie’s N-sized breasts and dazzling smile shook them to the very foundation of their intellect. Jill tried not to frown in jealousy as a hugely muscled stud, a handsome black linebacker from Ohio State brought her a tropical drink complete with a tiny bamboo umbrella. She took a sip while he stared lovingly into her mirrored sunglasses.
“L-Leslie? Is that you?” Heather stammered.
“It sure is,” she smiled.
“What the fuck happened to your body?”
Leslie tried not to cry. Oh she was popular, unforgettable and no one, man or woman would forget the day they met her. However she struggled to get out of her beach chair, finally collapsing exhausted back into it. Her limbs simply didn’t have enough strength to get her upright. In fact if it hadn’t been for the sexy, muscular Jamal from the Buckeye State she would’ve never made it back to where she had started walking from. However at over three hundred pounds, most of it coming from her massive chest she took comfort in the fact she had enough money for liposuction or a long stint in some weight loss clinic. Her boobs literally hung down and on either side of her thighs. Her nipples were the size of tea cups.
“Let’s just say sometimes the wishes a genie grants are taken too literal,” she smiled.